His Story/Her Story: “My wife is overly possessive and it scares me” - Times of India

His story: We had a love marriage and we dated for good 4 years before we walked down the aisle. But to my surprise, she changed like night and day right after our honeymoon. She would not let me step out without my wedding band. She would keep track of who calls me even when it was just my female boss, she went nuts asking me what she looks like etc. I cannot talk to my own female cousins in her absence. If I bump into a female friend at the mall, she starts checking my WhatsApp to see how often I talk to her. My social media passwords have been changed… I feel suffocated & humiliated… Should I end this marriage because she has gone beyond reasoning now.

Her story: I love my husband a lot and I know he loves me but my own mother had a bad marriage where my father was living a dual life. He was married to mom and had me while maintaining another household in another city. He would travel often but we did not find out until my 21st birthday. Ever since, I agree I fear experiencing the same thing. This has translated into my marriage and I know I breathe down my husband’s throat and track his moves… I know he will not leave me but I fear I may lose him due to my habit. I want to stop but what if he does the same? Please help because I cannot live without him.

AiR Atman in Ravi, Spiritual leader and Founder of AiR Institute of Realization and AiR Center of Enlightenment

For Him

You both loved and knew each other for four years before getting married. The basis of a good marriage is not the duration of your relationship or the social contract of marriage that can be broken easily. The basis of a great marriage is true love, trust and communication that exists between a husband and the wife. True love is divine. Trust between a husband and wife is of great importance too. So is communication. Therefore, talk to your wife, communicate and understand why she is behaving the way she is behaving. Find out why she is so paranoid about you having female connections. You may find out the reason and address that. Try to build trust, so that she feels secure in this relationship and with you speaking with anybody. Many women have similar issues in marriage and everyone has their valid reasons for it. Understand your wife and do your best to make your marriage work.

For Her

You should also trust your husband as you had chosen to marry him after knowing him and loving him. Feelings of insecurity are natural in any relationship but it shouldn’t be unreasonable and obsessive that you breathe down the neck of your own partner. Nobody can accept such deep possessiveness. It is understandable that the source of your extreme possessiveness is what happened with your mother. No doubt that your father had a problem, but not all men are the same. You must learn to tell yourself that. If you continue to behave in such a manner, you will suffocate your husband. So, communicate your fears with him, build trust on him, express your deep love to him and also give him freedom in the marriage. Freedom or mukti is the foundation of a good marriage.

Nidhi Behl Vats, Founder at storyofsouls:

His story: Yes, what she is doing is not right. Due to her given past, all you need to do is try to make her comfortable. Share your life with her. Tell her that, if I am going with my female colleagues, I will tell you myself. Try to calm her, with regular reassurance. Gradually, she will start building faith in you.

Her story: Whatever has happened is in the past. You cannot stop walking since you fell badly in your past. Similarly, please try to control your fearful emotions. If you continue to control him like this, he will definitely leave you or have another relationship with someone. In any relationship space, trust and respect are vital pillars. If you have loved him for 4 years, he is with you, the way you have been before marriage. Do not change yourself, after marriage. That’s the past of your parents, not between you two. You are unnecessarily bringing those things, which don’t belong to you both. Please try to be happy and give him space, if he truly loves you, he will be with you, without these efforts. I can assure you your life will be much better with the space, trust building and growing within you both.

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