Does it annoy you when people ask why you are single?
I am past that age and I give a damn about what people have to say or ask me about things which are entirely mine. But yes, initially it would annoy me and I could not help it.
Why do you think singlehood is questioned so much?
It happens with not just women but men as well so I cannot say that only single women are questioned. Yes the level of questions might be different, harsher towards women, especially in our country where there is a strong patriarchal structure. Men cannot stand the fact that women can be happy without men and thus come the questions. Your parents as well may mask it as concern for you that you will become lonely as you age etc, but the truth is, they too have been brought up in a society where the man makes the decisions and woman follows, rather made to follow. So the question of a woman thriving on her own… nope!
What are the weirdest, funniest questions you have been asked about being single?
This was years back but I was once asked by this young man interested in me at the time. He was 10 years younger to me and I did not feel anything for him. I rejected him and then came out the harsh ego which made him say that “You are a-sexual and too independent for anyone who wants to be with you and I was just feeling sorry for you”. That made me realise that some men can be really stupid and that I don’t need a permanent one in my life.
What strengths do you find in the power of being single?
I am very happy from the bottom of my heart. I don’t even remember when I last took any kind of stress. Yes I do think about my taxation, the electricity bill, water etc and of course preparing lectures for my students but that is it. My parents passed away 4 years back and after that I am no longer rooted to this city. I have a long term plan and because I am free, I am going to live it unless of course my time comes early. Loneliness never seeps in because I have some truly amazing single friends.
Did past relationship experiences play a role in you choosing singlehood? What made you realise or decide that you no longer want a partner?
Yes actually. I was beaten by my true love when I was in my early 20s. I wanted to get married, he did not but me pursuing this question several times made him lose it. I left him and pursued my Phd and never looked back. My parents were very supportive and that is very important. I even wanted to adopt a baby and be a single mother but the madness of bringing up a kid that follows, scared me. Slowly I got used to my freedom and then I got into book clubs, travel groups, spirituality and found another purpose to my life.
A few pieces of advice for women and men out there who are contemplating singlehood, trying not to fall under the pressure of “society”.
Once you know what you want, do not let anyone pull you down. No one matters in your life span except your own happiness.
Read also:
Love story of Eijaz Khan & Pavitra Punia
Read also:
5 signs your Aquarius man loves you